**Originally posted on OK Cupid as a journal post (same date)**
For those who have read the first line of my About Me section, you know that I believe honesty to be a virtue. But it isn't only a virtue that I expect myself to have: it's something I want in the people I date as well. Honesty doesn't mean saying the first thing that comes to your mind, nor is it being a smart ass just because you can (and you feel like if you are not acting like a smart ass, then you're not being "honest"). Rather, it means divulging information that is relevant to a given scenario and doing it not for the sake of ego, but for the sake of the other person (or even, perhaps, for the sake of relieving yourself of a guilty conscience...whatever the case may be).
I am tempted to go over the recent event which prompted me to write this entry, but I feel that it wouldn't do much good. What's done is done. I held my ground when I found out the truth and acted accordingly. I don't need to dish out crap when it isn't warranted. The person who made the mistake is decent and kind, but made a serious error in not being upfront. That's all that needs to be said on that count.
All I can say is, to anyone out there reading this: if you're planning on witholding information, it will catch up with you, and it may not end well. Granted, we don't want all of our skeletons to be revealed within the first few dates; but when it's pertinent information, don't hide it behind the curtain. Yes, you may be rejected by someone you like because of your chosen honesty, but what's worse in the long run? Deceiving someone (even with the best of intentions) for a long period of time, and possibly hurting that person in the end, or being upfront from the start with the strong chance of getting your ego bruised? No one likes getting their ego crushed for sure, but I don't think anyone likes to hurt other people that they could possibly care about either. And that's what you have to consider: the bigger picture.
We all want someone who will accept us for who we are in our entirety. (Ok, maybe some of us are on here strictly for the casual sex. I am not one of them, but, to each their own.) And if that's really what we want, we should act accordingly. Honesty may not get you everywhere you want to go, but it will get you to the places that really matter. Lying only gets you so far, and usually ends up going nowhere. Take your pick.
For those who have read the first line of my About Me section, you know that I believe honesty to be a virtue. But it isn't only a virtue that I expect myself to have: it's something I want in the people I date as well. Honesty doesn't mean saying the first thing that comes to your mind, nor is it being a smart ass just because you can (and you feel like if you are not acting like a smart ass, then you're not being "honest"). Rather, it means divulging information that is relevant to a given scenario and doing it not for the sake of ego, but for the sake of the other person (or even, perhaps, for the sake of relieving yourself of a guilty conscience...whatever the case may be).
I am tempted to go over the recent event which prompted me to write this entry, but I feel that it wouldn't do much good. What's done is done. I held my ground when I found out the truth and acted accordingly. I don't need to dish out crap when it isn't warranted. The person who made the mistake is decent and kind, but made a serious error in not being upfront. That's all that needs to be said on that count.
All I can say is, to anyone out there reading this: if you're planning on witholding information, it will catch up with you, and it may not end well. Granted, we don't want all of our skeletons to be revealed within the first few dates; but when it's pertinent information, don't hide it behind the curtain. Yes, you may be rejected by someone you like because of your chosen honesty, but what's worse in the long run? Deceiving someone (even with the best of intentions) for a long period of time, and possibly hurting that person in the end, or being upfront from the start with the strong chance of getting your ego bruised? No one likes getting their ego crushed for sure, but I don't think anyone likes to hurt other people that they could possibly care about either. And that's what you have to consider: the bigger picture.
We all want someone who will accept us for who we are in our entirety. (Ok, maybe some of us are on here strictly for the casual sex. I am not one of them, but, to each their own.) And if that's really what we want, we should act accordingly. Honesty may not get you everywhere you want to go, but it will get you to the places that really matter. Lying only gets you so far, and usually ends up going nowhere. Take your pick.
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