Part of me wants to go back and stop myself from following the treacherous path of curiosity that led to finding the news that broke me from sleeping that night.
Part of me wants to stop caring -- to not care.
You were never mine anyway.
Part of me is the bigger person & sends blessings and well wishes & hopes only for your happiness.
Part of me rages and wants to lock eyes during a serendipitous meeting
Just so you can feel my burning --
You did this --
Or to offer some vicious comeback to an innocuous question.
Part of me wonders why I care at all
And part of me wonders WHY
Would God or the Universe or whatever Giant Force
Leave crumbs of you in my path, hinting at a feast,
But only leading to desert.
Part of me wants to fix it and make it make sense without the pain.
Part of me wonders when this will stop
And part of me wants to let go.
Part of me says to "just wait" and to remember that I don't know how the story ends...
And the other part of me screams "Bullshit!"
Part of me carries the song of you within me
And remembers how your touch felt and how
I couldn't sleep that one night from pure joy & delight
And part of me remembers how it all mysteriously vanished.
Part of me knows that this will not last and that
I will
Move out from underneath the heaviness
And slowly rise
And ground my feet in my worth
And remember that you were a visitor
Along the way.
