This is a poem that I wrote the other night after receiving confirmation that someone I knew a long time ago was here on the east coast. I had sensed his presence without any other evidence, save only my own intuition. (This is not the first time this has happened with him.) The confirmation, while it should have been reassuring, threw me into more internal chaos, not less. I suspect this was because while it was still only my intuition it was safe...I didn't have to do anything with it. I just let it be. But now since I know that I was right, it's difficult to know what to do with this, if anything.
Anyway, some notes before reading: there's a part in the poem where I talk about "seismic waves of elephants." This refers to the not-so-well-known fact that elephants can communicate to a certain degree using seismic vibration. There have been studies that have shown that these vibrations can be felt as much as 20 miles away. There's also a nod to The Little Prince...see if you can find it. Finally, as I was writing this post and seeking an image to accompany it, I found that there is a word in Hebrew, Mizpah, which, although it is not its literal definition, apparently refers to a connection between two people who are separated--either physically or by death. In this case, I'd say that's an accurate description. So, should I maybe change the title?...
How cruel it is to feel without seeing
To know without knowing
To hear without fully comprehending.
I felt your presence with a resounding "yes"
That vibrated like a gentle hum within my bones.
Your visage never appeared before me except in
Daylight dreams
But your vibration I felt like seismic waves of elephants.
The certainty of yes faded like ripples in a shallow pool
And questions were answered only in echo.
I accepted your absence, only to feel a shadow cross
My threshold again.
The warmth of yes now replaced by a cold fog of maybe...
And confirmation came by way of a green door and I
Became undone.
I shook and trembled with the fearful certainty that once again
Connection
Is no figment of the
Imagination.
It is a stronghold in the endless storms of
Space and time.
Its light shines invisible in the drab darkness of the
Ordinary,
And shouts into ears gone deaf from
Disbelief.
You, at some time, awakened me to myself--
Connected me
With some other that was
Known
And yet unknown--
That was you.
That I cannot un-know because it is forever tied to
Now.
That I cannot unsee because it gave me my
Vision.
But now I am bereft because I am able to
Know
But not explain...
I can see, but cannot describe--
All words fall
Mute in the attempt.
My heart sees with clarity the essential
Though reason sees fit to blind with
Denial.
But now reason can rest in what my soul knew,
Leaving me to lie awake in a new
Unknown.
