It's amazing what Facebook can do. It lets you find that old friend from elementary school. It allows you to get in touch with and make amends with people you have wronged. It lets you post anything and everything of interest, from the mundane to the hilarious to the fascinating. You get to tell your current partner that you no longer want to be with them just by changing your relationship status (who said breaking up is hard to do?). And, of course, you get to "stalk" your exes. But on Thursday evening, I got the shock of my life when I learned that a former classmate, commrade and friend was murdered in her home that morning.
Her name was Melanie. She was 27, full of life, love, passion, and joy. And this beautiful life was cut short by the man she was dating, who decided that her life was something he wanted to possess and destroy because he thought so little of his own. He stabbed her. I don't know how many times. I don't even know what led up to it. But he stabbed her, and then left. Someone in her house (or possibly herself), called the police who then arrived at the scene before 5:30am. She was taken to the hospital and pronounced dead. That was it. Mel was gone.
Even describing it now seems unreal. It just doesn't seem possible. Who could do that to anyone, let alone her? I hear it all the time on the news: someone in this city was gunned down, there was a drive by in this area, a robbery gone wrong in this neighborhood. On and on and on. These are tragedies for someone, but they have never been for me. I love watching CSI (Las Vegas, never Miami), and watching everyone connected with the murder victim come in for questioning and try to figure out "Whodunnit?" But now, I know who it was, I know what happened (mostly), and I know she's gone. And somehow it still doesn't make sense. I can't wrap my brain around the idea that I won't ever see her again.
She and I weren't close, but I always enjoyed her company whenever I was around her. She had a happy personality, and she was real. There was no b.s. with her, no faking it. Just Mel. She had a passion for social justice, too, and I loved having her around at meetings. I don't remember anything specific about any one meeting in particular, but I remember I always liked having her there. It wasn't until about a day after I heard the news that I remembered there was a picture of us together after we both graduated from De Anza College (she graduated with honors, btw). I remember posing with her, and how after we hugged each other, we said we'd stay in touch. We never did. Then Facebook came along, we were added to each others' friend list, and still there wasn't much contact. I took her presence for granted.
I'm not going on some kind of guilt trip here. I'm just realizing that life is unpredictable and to not take anything for granted. Trite, I know...but it's true. Mel wouldn't want me to feel guilty. I think she would want me to know that she's all right where she is, and that, while what happened to her wasn't fair and shouldn't have happened, the fact remains that it did. And now it's up to us who are holding the weight of grief in hearts to decide what to do now.
On one of my friends' statuses, a few of us began discussing issues of domestic violence (since this was one of those incidents, as someone pointed out). Someone else said that they would make an effort to honor her at the Womyn's Day march next month. On her wall where someone left a condolence message, two people who hadn't seen or been in contact with each other for more than 20 years reconnected. I dedicated my yoga practice to her the following evening, and was able to find some sense of peace in knowing that she was all right.
This was and is a tragedy. There was absolutely no sound reason for this beautiful, young and vibrant woman's life to be ended so soon. It makes no sense whatsoever. I've heard a lot of times people saying that God has a plan. Honestly, I don't buy it. If tragedy and severe hardship are part of God's plan, then we believe in (and worship) one sadistic cosmic asshole. I believe that God's plan is for us to find our truest and most authentic selves. It's when we deny that process of exploration that tragedy like this occurs. People make choices every day. The choice that her murderer made, for whatever reason, was a poor one that has affected many. And I hope he lives with it. I hope he finds his own authentic self and can take responsibility for what he has done. I hope he realizes that the life he took was well on its way to being authentic and true, if it wasn't there already. I hope we never forget her light. I hope we never forget our own light, and how, even in this dark and difficult time, we can let it shine.
