Part(s) of Me

 Part of me wants to go back and stop myself from following the treacherous path of curiosity that led to finding the news that broke me from sleeping that night. 

Part of me wants to stop caring -- to not care. 

You were never mine anyway. 

Part of me is the bigger person & sends blessings and well wishes & hopes only for your happiness. 

Part of me rages and wants to lock eyes during a serendipitous meeting 

Just so you can feel my burning --

You did this -- 

Or to offer some vicious comeback to an innocuous question. 

Part of me wonders why I care at all

And part of me wonders WHY

Would God or the Universe or whatever Giant Force

Leave crumbs of you in my path, hinting at a feast,

But only leading to desert.

Part of me wants to fix it and make it make sense without the pain. 

Part of me wonders when this will stop

And part of me wants to let go. 

Part of me says to "just wait" and to remember that I don't know how the story ends...

And the other part of me screams "Bullshit!"

Part of me carries the song of you within me

And remembers how your touch felt and how

I couldn't sleep that one night from pure joy & delight

And part of me remembers how it all mysteriously vanished. 

Part of me knows that this will not last and that

I will

Move out from underneath the heaviness

And slowly rise

And ground my feet in my worth

And remember that you were a visitor

Along the way.