Felicity or For Mary

If you read my previous post, you would know that my intended theme for the year is "Seek joy." Not quite three weeks in and, like most people attempting to complete their new year resolutions, I found it more difficult than I anticipated. I felt depressed, I was more tearful (for reasons not always completely clear), I was unhappy with the direction of my life, I experienced a loss, etc. Joy seemed to have evaporated almost as soon as the idea to seek it had occurred to me.

And then, Mary Oliver died. I've been a fan of almost anything I had read of hers, but not an avid one. I did not own any of her works, even though I had told myself numerous times that needed to change. So today I resolved, barring too many others having the same idea, to finally correct this error in my personal library. Little did I know what would be waiting for me on that shelf...

Felicity. As in synonymous with joy. I sought Mary and I found joy...Mary's joy. Because of course I did! This revelation sparked something within me, and a poem found its way into my consciousness which could not be contained. So I did what anyone would do with something like that...I released it. Here it is.

I started out the year
As most do
With intention.
I hoped to will myself
To seek the good, the positive, the sacred
That is involved in everyday living.
But this joy was not so easily 
Come by
And I found myself overwhelmed
With waves of dullness, despair, and despondency.
It was much like trying to gulp down 

Single droplets of water
While still dying of thirst.
Then, not long into the imagined newness,
I heard of your going and the news hit me -- 
Not with a sharp blow -- 
But a soft sigh.
Ahhh! You have gone to join that which you sought to bring 
To us...
The heart of God.
I knew then that I wanted 
(Needed)
To hold some piece
Of you -- 
Something of which to return to again and again
As often as the changing seasons within me.
So out I went searching,
Only to find you waiting patiently as if to say
"Here have I been all along."
Now, as I hold this part of you that was released into the world,
With its stanzas beautiful and brief,
I say, "Come, my friend, and pierce my soul with your blade so
Light...
And let us see what will become of this brief and sacred life."